Something's different. I can feel it.
It's like....
My focus depreciated
My attention diminished
My efficiency dropped
My productivity dipped
I am having difficulty in getting the red of my Lotus Notes inbox to black.
I am even struggling to pick up the ringing phone within 3 rings.
I feel slightly light-headed. There's a strange sensation within my entire being...
Something's different. I can feel it.
I know.
It's holiday mood.
Happy Vesak Day (advanced), everyone!!
Wednesday, May 30
Sunday, May 27
Missing You
I'm officially "On Duty" right now. Yes, it's the monthly DCPO task that I've got to perform at HQ SCDF. Since my current posting at the MHQ allows me to report to work in CV, the DCPO duty is the only reason why my Number 4 uniforms have not been sold off to the karung guni man.
Normally, for weekend duties, I'd pick the Sunday night shifts but today's duty was picked by Rachel on my behalf upon my request (was incapacitated when the i-DO system was opened for bookings). Night shifts are better than day ones 'cos you get to legitimately get some sleep (they call it 'rest' since sleeping on duty doesn't sound too good). In a typical 12 hour night shift, I'd usually get some 3 hours of shut-eyes. Now weekend 1st shift is from 0830hrs till 2030hrs. Frak, that's like from breakfast to dinner. And you don't get to make time pass faster by hitting the deck. For 12 hours, the golden hours of an otherwise beautiful Sunday no less, you get to fulyl appreciate just how slow time crawls when you're doing something you don't particularly enjoy doing. And when you're missing someone.
Especially when you're missing someone.
Weekends are really precious 'cos they are the 2 days when I can spend quality time with my two girls at home. This is just the way it is, with us being working parents and all. On weekdays we get but a miserably small window of family time after dinner and before bedtime. Can't really do something substantial, like going to a park, or a swim etc. Weekends are the only days in the week when me and the girls get to enjoy each others' companies from the moment we open our eyes (naturally, and NOT forcefully by the buzzing alarm clock!) till we slip into slumberland after spending an entire day's worth of activities together. As a family.
This morning, I left Angie and Jaimie after our breakfast at Blk 628 coffee shop. The trip to the playground would usually be something I look forward to after a weekend breakfast at that joint. But this morning I had to wave goodbye to my girls. Duty calls. Can't really complain, though. This is part and parcel of my job. And this job brings in the dough. And the guni hoon. And the pampers.
While at my DCPO desk, I got a call on my mobile at 1637hrs.
“你女儿要跟你讲话。” It was Angie on the line.
“哈啰？” I uttered each syllable slowly and deliberately.
“.......” said Jaimie.
“哈啰，媛媛。叫爸爸。” I tried again.
“....爸爸！” Came the reply.
“嗯。妈咪叻？叫妈咪。”
“妈妈！” shouted Jaimie. She doesn't do '妈咪' very well, yet.
“哇，媛媛好乖。要不要爸爸读 bookbook 给你听？”
“啊！”
And then Angie voice returned on the line. She said the little one slept for only 35 minutes during her afternoon nap, after a tiring one hour struggle to get her to fall asleep. “哪里有乖？！”, she complained.
It is now almost 8pm. Half an hour more till I stand down from my 12 hour shift. By the time I get back home, Jaimie would most likely already be in bed. I can almost picture her now... pacifier dangling from her half-opened mouth, pink blanket over her little torso, tummy rising and falling rhythmatically, a tired but blissful-looking mommy by her side...
I miss you, my dears.
Normally, for weekend duties, I'd pick the Sunday night shifts but today's duty was picked by Rachel on my behalf upon my request (was incapacitated when the i-DO system was opened for bookings). Night shifts are better than day ones 'cos you get to legitimately get some sleep (they call it 'rest' since sleeping on duty doesn't sound too good). In a typical 12 hour night shift, I'd usually get some 3 hours of shut-eyes. Now weekend 1st shift is from 0830hrs till 2030hrs. Frak, that's like from breakfast to dinner. And you don't get to make time pass faster by hitting the deck. For 12 hours, the golden hours of an otherwise beautiful Sunday no less, you get to fulyl appreciate just how slow time crawls when you're doing something you don't particularly enjoy doing. And when you're missing someone.
Especially when you're missing someone.
Weekends are really precious 'cos they are the 2 days when I can spend quality time with my two girls at home. This is just the way it is, with us being working parents and all. On weekdays we get but a miserably small window of family time after dinner and before bedtime. Can't really do something substantial, like going to a park, or a swim etc. Weekends are the only days in the week when me and the girls get to enjoy each others' companies from the moment we open our eyes (naturally, and NOT forcefully by the buzzing alarm clock!) till we slip into slumberland after spending an entire day's worth of activities together. As a family.
This morning, I left Angie and Jaimie after our breakfast at Blk 628 coffee shop. The trip to the playground would usually be something I look forward to after a weekend breakfast at that joint. But this morning I had to wave goodbye to my girls. Duty calls. Can't really complain, though. This is part and parcel of my job. And this job brings in the dough. And the guni hoon. And the pampers.
While at my DCPO desk, I got a call on my mobile at 1637hrs.
“你女儿要跟你讲话。” It was Angie on the line.
“哈啰？” I uttered each syllable slowly and deliberately.
“.......” said Jaimie.
“哈啰，媛媛。叫爸爸。” I tried again.
“....爸爸！” Came the reply.
“嗯。妈咪叻？叫妈咪。”
“妈妈！” shouted Jaimie. She doesn't do '妈咪' very well, yet.
“哇，媛媛好乖。要不要爸爸读 bookbook 给你听？”
“啊！”
And then Angie voice returned on the line. She said the little one slept for only 35 minutes during her afternoon nap, after a tiring one hour struggle to get her to fall asleep. “哪里有乖？！”, she complained.
It is now almost 8pm. Half an hour more till I stand down from my 12 hour shift. By the time I get back home, Jaimie would most likely already be in bed. I can almost picture her now... pacifier dangling from her half-opened mouth, pink blanket over her little torso, tummy rising and falling rhythmatically, a tired but blissful-looking mommy by her side...
I miss you, my dears.
Sunday, May 20
David vs Goliath
For almost an hour and a half, we struggled.
Goliath wielding all his strength to put David to sleep. He tried all tactics, hard and soft. He cajoled and offered incentivising promises. When that fell on deaf ears, he attempted to capitalise on his large intimidating frame to issue out threats. These too, were ignored by the equally strong-willed David, who despite being grossly out-sized, refused to relent without putting up a tough fight. David tossed, squirmed and wriggled, little body evading the grasp of the mighty Goliath.
It was a war of attrition, with both sides attempting to wear down the opponent first. It was as though the two were so equally matched that the battle would last forever.
Finally, at 1548hrs, I, Goliath, emerged victorious. With barely enough energy left to place on record this momentous episode. With sheer tenancity, Goliath triumphed over David and history is thus rewritten.
Behold. David, the little one who put up such a hard-willed fight. Sleep well my worthy opponent. Until we face off again at your next nap time.
Goliath wielding all his strength to put David to sleep. He tried all tactics, hard and soft. He cajoled and offered incentivising promises. When that fell on deaf ears, he attempted to capitalise on his large intimidating frame to issue out threats. These too, were ignored by the equally strong-willed David, who despite being grossly out-sized, refused to relent without putting up a tough fight. David tossed, squirmed and wriggled, little body evading the grasp of the mighty Goliath.
It was a war of attrition, with both sides attempting to wear down the opponent first. It was as though the two were so equally matched that the battle would last forever.
Finally, at 1548hrs, I, Goliath, emerged victorious. With barely enough energy left to place on record this momentous episode. With sheer tenancity, Goliath triumphed over David and history is thus rewritten.
Behold. David, the little one who put up such a hard-willed fight. Sleep well my worthy opponent. Until we face off again at your next nap time.
Friday, May 18
女儿名字的由来
我们女儿的名字，一直是我们的骄傲。因为我和舒珩非常喜欢"黄靖媛"的读音、结构美和意思。
我们很早以前就在想名字：黄飞鸿／黄蓉／黄耀明／黄花。。。全都有考虑过。但是都是哈哈大笑之后就算了。
后来，很认真地自己算算笔画，结合自己略懂的一些皮毛，找了一些字拼拼凑凑，看可以拼凑出什么火花。结果，拼出了"黄靖媛"。
靖：国家太平的意思
媛：美女
先天下之忧而忧，后天下之乐而乐。国家要先太平，自己的人生才能够太平。希望女儿生活在一个太平盛世，无灾无难。
云想衣裳花想容。每个人都爱漂亮，我们不需要去扮清高。但是，我们要孩子记住：美，是来自外在和内在。两者俱有，才是真正的美女。
这是我们的想法。
后来我们想到"黄"是"黄蓉"、"靖"是"郭靖"！这两个人物都是我和舒珩喜欢的人物！太好了！希望媛媛有黄蓉的活泼聪明、郭靖的正义耿直，做一个有智慧、有道德的美丽女孩吧！
至于英文名Jaimie，我们要找一个意思是"爱"的名字。在网上搜寻了一阵子，找到了这个法文名字，意思是"我爱"。太完美啦！"我爱黄靖媛"这个名字就是这样由来的。
Monday, May 14
做一分钟的英雄
Yesterday was Mother's Day. It was also the day I got to sing into the same mic as taiwanese singer 杨培安, who is now fast becoming Angie and mine latest idol.
杨培安came to Bukit Panjang Plaza to promote his albums (both the debut as well as the 2nd album, which is, quite oddly, released in Singapore concurrently). The event is entitled 杨培安《我相信》音乐会，which we came to know about a few days back cos we noticed the backdrop being put up at the 2nd level foyer of BPP, which is adjacent to the playground where we always bring Jaimie to play.
Anyway...having decided that we would attend the event, we deposited Jaimie at MIL's place (which is just across the road from BPP) and went to the mall's foodcourt for lunch. When we got to the foyer where the temporary stage had been erected, 10 minutes before 2pm (which was the time the event was slated to commence), there were hardly any gathering. A couple of girls and one guy waiting at the stage front. That was all. I suggested that we sit somewhere to wait but Angie said no. "I want to wait here. In front. At the centre." she said. Ok lor...
What do you know. Once the 100.3 DJ came on stage and said “ 哈罗！大家好！”，people started streaming in from nowhere and congregated real quickly at the stage area. Soon, there were like at least a hundred strong audience waiting eagerly for the appearance of 杨培安. The DJ host did a good job of priming the audience by giving anecdotes of the singer, on how he began his singing career at pubs at age 17, but only got discovered and offered the opportunity to cut his debut album 《我相信》 at the ripe age of 35. Etc etc.
杨培安 was called onto stage amidst bouts of shoutings and clappings at around 2.15pm. Not surprisingly, the first song he belted out was the 主打歌 from his debut album “我相信”。 As the 过门was playing, 杨培安asked the audience if anyone knew how to sing this song. Having watched the YouTube MV of this song in the BayB Supplies Forum thread posted by wolfgirl, I have since learnt the lyrics by heart. So I sort of nodded my head in supportive response. I mean, singers usually would rally the audience to sing along with them, clap hands and all that. Right? What I didn't expect was when 杨培安 told me he'd come to me and have me sing the chorus portion together with him! Alamak! First thought that flashed through my mind was "What if I 忘词？" Well, there was nowhere to run, nor hide. I was stuck in the front row, pressed against the railing, and had a huge crowd on either side and to the back as well. So, that was it. I braced myself when 杨培安 jumped down the stage and came towards me, thrusting the mic towards my face.
And I had my one minute of fame.
杨培安came to Bukit Panjang Plaza to promote his albums (both the debut as well as the 2nd album, which is, quite oddly, released in Singapore concurrently). The event is entitled 杨培安《我相信》音乐会，which we came to know about a few days back cos we noticed the backdrop being put up at the 2nd level foyer of BPP, which is adjacent to the playground where we always bring Jaimie to play.
Anyway...having decided that we would attend the event, we deposited Jaimie at MIL's place (which is just across the road from BPP) and went to the mall's foodcourt for lunch. When we got to the foyer where the temporary stage had been erected, 10 minutes before 2pm (which was the time the event was slated to commence), there were hardly any gathering. A couple of girls and one guy waiting at the stage front. That was all. I suggested that we sit somewhere to wait but Angie said no. "I want to wait here. In front. At the centre." she said. Ok lor...
What do you know. Once the 100.3 DJ came on stage and said “ 哈罗！大家好！”，people started streaming in from nowhere and congregated real quickly at the stage area. Soon, there were like at least a hundred strong audience waiting eagerly for the appearance of 杨培安. The DJ host did a good job of priming the audience by giving anecdotes of the singer, on how he began his singing career at pubs at age 17, but only got discovered and offered the opportunity to cut his debut album 《我相信》 at the ripe age of 35. Etc etc.
杨培安 was called onto stage amidst bouts of shoutings and clappings at around 2.15pm. Not surprisingly, the first song he belted out was the 主打歌 from his debut album “我相信”。 As the 过门was playing, 杨培安asked the audience if anyone knew how to sing this song. Having watched the YouTube MV of this song in the BayB Supplies Forum thread posted by wolfgirl, I have since learnt the lyrics by heart. So I sort of nodded my head in supportive response. I mean, singers usually would rally the audience to sing along with them, clap hands and all that. Right? What I didn't expect was when 杨培安 told me he'd come to me and have me sing the chorus portion together with him! Alamak! First thought that flashed through my mind was "What if I 忘词？" Well, there was nowhere to run, nor hide. I was stuck in the front row, pressed against the railing, and had a huge crowd on either side and to the back as well. So, that was it. I braced myself when 杨培安 jumped down the stage and came towards me, thrusting the mic towards my face.
And I had my one minute of fame.
Wednesday, May 9
You Always Have A Choice
Watched "Spiderman 3" with Angie last Friday. Thought that is was a really strong film, even though both of us would still pick the second installment as our fav within the superbly crafted trilogy.
Despite the fact that Spiderman 3 was predominantly an action-based movie, the movie managed to do a wonderful job in developing their characters, by putting them in real-life situations and dilemas where the audience can really connect, and emphatise with. Unlike most other Superhero movies where the main characters are always infallible when it comes to choosing the side of good over evil, Spiderman is essentially flawed. With his Spidey suit on or off, Peter Parker is always struggling with problems including his romantic attachment with MJ, paying his rent for his miserable apartment, mending his strained friendship with his best mate Harry, and basically balancing his whole life between his dual identity. And when the time comes for Spidey to make choices, he does not always make the right ones. It is precisely because of his vulnerabilities and weakness that makes Spiderman all the more endearing since we can identify with him as a fellow human being, rather than someone who has come from a far away planet.
In Spiderman 3, the theme of "choice" runs very strongly throughout the movie. When Peter learnt that Flint Marko was the real killer of his Uncle Ben, he was filled with hatred and the thirst to exact revenge. At the end of the movie, however, he chose forgiveness over vengeance. When the symbiote fused with Spidey's suit turning it black, Spidey experienced new found power enhancement. It felt wonderful but he realised it also adversely affected his personality. As a result, his relationship with MJ crumbled, his best friend Harry ended up disfigured. I particularly loved the scene where, at the bell tower of a church, Peter struggled with all his might to rip off the symbiote suit. It looked painful, as all hard decisions are bound to be. Even Harry Osborn made critical choices in this movie, when he eventually decided to bury the hatchet and went back to being Peter's best buddy, and ally...for one final tag team battle that he ended up paying with his life, to save that of a dear friend. I thought it was a particularly nice touch that in the beginning of the movie Harry made the omnimous comment that Peter Parker and Mary Jane are two of his best friends, whom he would willingly give up his life for.
I think that in real life, the lesson of making choices is an important one. Often we'd hear about people grumbling about being burnt out from work, having no time to spend with family cos work requires much travelling, children growing up spoilt because no time/means to discipline them etc etc. Whenever I hear such things, I can't help but think these to just be a bunch of excuses. Excuses that these people conveniently utter in an attempt to convince not only other people, but also themselves, for their inability and/or unwillingness to make the right choices.
I mean, if one acknowledges that family and health should come before work, then one should take steps to strike a balance between work and home. A balance where these priorities are aptly reflected. Granted, sometimes it is easier said than done. But my feeling is that people who gripes about these inadequacies often do so without even trying to make amendments.
The worst are those who have kids and go around telling people how difficult it is to raise kids...no time to discipline them...maid/ caregiver not doing a good job...now kids become rascals, but no choice cos there's nothing they can do...blah blah blah.
No choice? Bullsh*t. These people should have considered all these before choosing not to put on that bloody condom.
You always have a choice.
Despite the fact that Spiderman 3 was predominantly an action-based movie, the movie managed to do a wonderful job in developing their characters, by putting them in real-life situations and dilemas where the audience can really connect, and emphatise with. Unlike most other Superhero movies where the main characters are always infallible when it comes to choosing the side of good over evil, Spiderman is essentially flawed. With his Spidey suit on or off, Peter Parker is always struggling with problems including his romantic attachment with MJ, paying his rent for his miserable apartment, mending his strained friendship with his best mate Harry, and basically balancing his whole life between his dual identity. And when the time comes for Spidey to make choices, he does not always make the right ones. It is precisely because of his vulnerabilities and weakness that makes Spiderman all the more endearing since we can identify with him as a fellow human being, rather than someone who has come from a far away planet.
In Spiderman 3, the theme of "choice" runs very strongly throughout the movie. When Peter learnt that Flint Marko was the real killer of his Uncle Ben, he was filled with hatred and the thirst to exact revenge. At the end of the movie, however, he chose forgiveness over vengeance. When the symbiote fused with Spidey's suit turning it black, Spidey experienced new found power enhancement. It felt wonderful but he realised it also adversely affected his personality. As a result, his relationship with MJ crumbled, his best friend Harry ended up disfigured. I particularly loved the scene where, at the bell tower of a church, Peter struggled with all his might to rip off the symbiote suit. It looked painful, as all hard decisions are bound to be. Even Harry Osborn made critical choices in this movie, when he eventually decided to bury the hatchet and went back to being Peter's best buddy, and ally...for one final tag team battle that he ended up paying with his life, to save that of a dear friend. I thought it was a particularly nice touch that in the beginning of the movie Harry made the omnimous comment that Peter Parker and Mary Jane are two of his best friends, whom he would willingly give up his life for.
I think that in real life, the lesson of making choices is an important one. Often we'd hear about people grumbling about being burnt out from work, having no time to spend with family cos work requires much travelling, children growing up spoilt because no time/means to discipline them etc etc. Whenever I hear such things, I can't help but think these to just be a bunch of excuses. Excuses that these people conveniently utter in an attempt to convince not only other people, but also themselves, for their inability and/or unwillingness to make the right choices.
I mean, if one acknowledges that family and health should come before work, then one should take steps to strike a balance between work and home. A balance where these priorities are aptly reflected. Granted, sometimes it is easier said than done. But my feeling is that people who gripes about these inadequacies often do so without even trying to make amendments.
The worst are those who have kids and go around telling people how difficult it is to raise kids...no time to discipline them...maid/ caregiver not doing a good job...now kids become rascals, but no choice cos there's nothing they can do...blah blah blah.
No choice? Bullsh*t. These people should have considered all these before choosing not to put on that bloody condom.
You always have a choice.
Sunday, May 6
Writer's Blog....Block
Just barely a week ago, Angie asked me to help her start up a new blog. She said she wanted to do some online version of that 《交换日记》books, with her friend-colleague. Ok...so I set up a blogger site for her. The name she wanted "2bestfriends" had already been taken, so I took the liberty of registrating the new blog under the name of "exchangediaries".
Since then, Angie has been pretty active in her postings. I would see her logging on and writing blog entries while waiting for Jaimie's midnight feed. Quite prolific. Well, definitely more so than I am.
Perhaps I am inherently a boring person, with a life quite mundane that there usually isn't much that is worthy of documenting down in a blog. Perhaps I am having writer's block. Perhaps Arts graduates write better than Engineering ones (unless of course we're writing a physics paper).
Or perhaps women just have more to say than men.
Since then, Angie has been pretty active in her postings. I would see her logging on and writing blog entries while waiting for Jaimie's midnight feed. Quite prolific. Well, definitely more so than I am.
Perhaps I am inherently a boring person, with a life quite mundane that there usually isn't much that is worthy of documenting down in a blog. Perhaps I am having writer's block. Perhaps Arts graduates write better than Engineering ones (unless of course we're writing a physics paper).
Or perhaps women just have more to say than men.
Tuesday, May 1
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