Tuesday, November 13

相敬如宾

昨天与同事C和L在开工之前到麦当劳吃早餐时,谈到了婚姻这个课题。

C仍待字闺中,她说她觉得自己将是一个不合格的妻子,因为她不会做菜,不会做家务。我马上纠正她说,做菜,做家务在维系婚姻生活上都是最不重要的。最重要的,其实是两个人在平时的相处时,如何不要在小事上发怒。我的这个论点,立刻得到L的举双手赞同。

朋友之间的相处,很容易可以大事化小。但是在夫妻的相处,因为对对方有要求,所以很容易小事化大。

这个周末,我和老公的耐心都得到了很大的考验。

我这一周每天去评改卷子,评改卷子需要的是集中力和判断力。下班之后已经是累得要垮了。到了晚上,我还要起来伺候小公主。我在靠毅力在支撑着自己。脾气,是处于紧绷的状态。老公不幸的又在周末的时候病倒了。我一个人要在身心俱累得情况下照顾一老一小,还要处理所有的家务,出言不逊的情况就发生了。对方一句也许无心话,听在耳里也变得十分刺耳。于是,彼此的耐心受到了一次又一次的考验。

我对于为什么夫妻之间要“相敬如宾”觉得纳闷了很久。夫妻不是最亲近的人吗?为什么要对待客人一样的对待最亲近的人呢?其实啊,古人的话充满了智慧。我们对越亲近的人越觉得一切是理所当然,对越亲近的人越容易对对方发脾气。在非常时期,只有在退一步把对方当成是客人一样的时候,两个人的关系才可以得到润滑。

2 voices:

Joyce Long said...

Hi Angie,

Actually it is easier said than done to regard the 1/2 as guest. Maybe because of the expectation after living together for several years.

Angie said...

I fully agree with you, Joyce. That's why I always consciously tell myself to "forget it", "nevermind", "cool it!" when I felt that Clement had stepped on my toes.
He is more forgiving towards me than i am towards him. So it takes a lot of effort on my part to reciprocate the forgiveness. Or else my second nature wld trigger me to pull a super black face which will inevitably escalate the situation. but there are still times we both lost our cool.
It's not easy for every couple. But we just got to try. I felt that a blissful marriage doesnt happen naturally. it takes effort, hard work and proper management.